The Other Woman Syndrome

 I'm snowed in on a very cold, wintry night with a glass of Merlot to keep me warm. So I have a little time to get something off of my chest! If I may, I'd like to address a scenario that has confused me ever since my emergence into the composite world of dating! I'll go ahead and set up the story line:

 You and your friend are having the legendary "So, tell me more about your new guy!" conversation when you learn that at the time of him pursuing your friend, he was still in a relationship with another woman! As if that piece of information isn't alarming enough, your friend goes on to criticize his girlfriend as if his wondering outside of the relationship is her fault! She may say something like "If she was doing her job he wouldn't need to cheat!" Wait, what?! But the madness doesn't stop there. In hopes of her becoming the next official girlfriend, your friend chooses to invest time, emotion, and energy into this unavailable man after buying his "I'm not happy in my relationship" story!

Now that I've presented the topic, It's time to examine the problem under my no-sugar-coat code! 

This particular way of thinking has landed so many of us in the position of fulfilling a mans need to be deceitful. Men may be a lot of things, but one thing is for sure - You can't make them do anything they do not want to do! In some cases it's a hassle to get them to do something they want to do! It is naive to believe that anyone so "unhappy" in their relationship will refuse to leave for any reason. I'll go on to say it's even more credulous to attack the woman who this man is being dishonest with! It is not our place to decipher what someone is or isn't doing in their own relationship! It is our job - as sophisticated and secure women - to direct him out of our private messages and back to his girlfriend to work on the alleged problems and demand he leave us out of it completely! 

A man's refusal to be faithful has nothing to do with the shortcomings of his spouse, but has everything to do with his inability to honorably love his spouse the way a monogamous man should!

Meaning, whether he is with ole' girl or with you, he will always need more! 

What a lot of us don't realize - or don't care about - is how shameful it is to rip another woman apart about her personal business when in fact, you yourself are "the other woman". How dare we talk about someone when we're accepting an offer to be someone's secret? Who really is the clown in this circus? 

Just for kicks, let's say he does leave his spouse for you! What makes you think he won't get bored with you and pursue another woman behind your back in the same form that captured you? Because he said so? Listen, the foundation you build your relationship upon is what is either strong enough to hold the relationship up or weak enough to let the union fall through!

Ladies, starting this year, let's be as picky with our men as we are with our selfies! Make yourself unavailable to wondering, unavailable men - no matter what his story is. Stop mistaking that insult for a compliment! Respect yourself by only being accessible to men that respect the importance of fidelity. 

That's all for now, dolls!