Five Things I Gained By Losing
In the beginning of every new year, we all hope to kick it off in a positive, inspiring, and fulfilling way. But unfortunately for me, 2015 has brung forth what feels like nothing but loss. I went from toasting glasses with my family the night of new year's eve in anticipation of the new year's lessons - not knowing that I would learn the hardest lessons of my life thus far within the first month of the new year! This is the most heartfelt post I've shared on my blog. Life happens. And sometimes it hurts a lot. But the bright side (yes, there is one) is that there is a lesson to be learned in every loss we experience; and here are five of my own:
1. By losing control, I was forced to feel - Being that I'm a natural born leader, it's diffucult for me to sit and allow something or someone else to do all of the work without any of my input or assistance. But often times things happen in our lives - whether it be physical, emotional, or financial - that have to take its course on its own, requiring none of our input or assistance! This was very hard for me to accept, as you can imagine. For the first time in my life, I was helpless. All I could do was feel. I felt the shock of what I'd known to be my reality turn out to be a fantasy. I felt the confusion of being lied to by someone who'd "earned" my trust. I felt the anger of not understanding why God wouldn't protect me from such a painful, & life-changing experience along with not being obligated to understand. For the first time I couldn't act like I was okay.. I wasn't okay and I didn't have control. But I learned that the quicker you feel that pain, confusion, and anger - instead of harboring it - the quicker you heal and move forward.
2. I learned to appreciate my health - You truly don't know what you have until it's gone - or is threatened and could possibly be gone. I'm a relatively healthy woman, so it was scary to have bodily complications that I couldn't identify for several weeks! Now that I'm back to myself with no pain or discomfort, I can now look back on when I so badly wanted to be pain free and remember how it felt to be full of pain. Now every day that I'm pain free is a great day that I won't ever take for granted!
3. True characters were revealed within those around me - It wasn't until recently that I'd actually lived through "real situations brings out the fake in people". And that is the God given truth! When you need someone, whether or not they're there for you - and to what measures they'd go in order to be there for you - shows you how much you mean to them and where exactly you stand in their priority line. People who can't be there for your worst of days do not deserve to be included in the best of your days. Which brings me to my next point!
4. I gained a renewed appreciation for family - I could make an entire blog post about my incredible family alone, but it wasn't until recently that I emotionally and physically experienced what the love of your family is capable of! The power of love - specifically the power of love from those that God designed for you - is one that you can ony feel to understand and not easily express through words. If family ties aren't something you have or feel that you need, I strongly urge you to reconsider! We all need someone in our corners that are there to solely love us through the good and bad times because it will be those people that love you through the hardest moments of your life - which gives you the strength to push towards the best moments of your life!
5. Heartbreak is helpful - We all experience it. And we all hate it. But I believe we all need it at some point. Heartache is a sobering feeling that forces us to take off those googly-eyed glasses and see the individual for who they really are as you finally see how you cared for them versus them not caring for you nearly as much. The most hurtful thing is to feel as if you're not good enough for someone for whatever reason. But the truth is we'll never be "good enough" for someone who isn't ready. I could cook his favorite meal, give him the best sex on a regular basis, be his cheer-leader and stay as faithful to him as men are to sports and because he simply isn't ready to commit to a woman like me, my time will be wasted every. time. Don't let heartbreak convince you that you're the problem. Allow that experience to show you what's good for you and what's not.. and follow that guidance. Our heart's intuition is hardly ever wrong.
Having a bad day - or month - is just that and nothing more! I'll never claim that I have a bad life. I now trust that my painful first month of 2015 was the growing pain necessary for the development of the woman I'm supposed to be, and where I'm meant to be by the end of 2015! Yes, I've had some really bad days in the past, but knowing that we've yet experienced the best days of our lives puts a smile on my face. And I hope it puts a smile on yours as well!
-E
1. By losing control, I was forced to feel - Being that I'm a natural born leader, it's diffucult for me to sit and allow something or someone else to do all of the work without any of my input or assistance. But often times things happen in our lives - whether it be physical, emotional, or financial - that have to take its course on its own, requiring none of our input or assistance! This was very hard for me to accept, as you can imagine. For the first time in my life, I was helpless. All I could do was feel. I felt the shock of what I'd known to be my reality turn out to be a fantasy. I felt the confusion of being lied to by someone who'd "earned" my trust. I felt the anger of not understanding why God wouldn't protect me from such a painful, & life-changing experience along with not being obligated to understand. For the first time I couldn't act like I was okay.. I wasn't okay and I didn't have control. But I learned that the quicker you feel that pain, confusion, and anger - instead of harboring it - the quicker you heal and move forward.
2. I learned to appreciate my health - You truly don't know what you have until it's gone - or is threatened and could possibly be gone. I'm a relatively healthy woman, so it was scary to have bodily complications that I couldn't identify for several weeks! Now that I'm back to myself with no pain or discomfort, I can now look back on when I so badly wanted to be pain free and remember how it felt to be full of pain. Now every day that I'm pain free is a great day that I won't ever take for granted!
3. True characters were revealed within those around me - It wasn't until recently that I'd actually lived through "real situations brings out the fake in people". And that is the God given truth! When you need someone, whether or not they're there for you - and to what measures they'd go in order to be there for you - shows you how much you mean to them and where exactly you stand in their priority line. People who can't be there for your worst of days do not deserve to be included in the best of your days. Which brings me to my next point!
4. I gained a renewed appreciation for family - I could make an entire blog post about my incredible family alone, but it wasn't until recently that I emotionally and physically experienced what the love of your family is capable of! The power of love - specifically the power of love from those that God designed for you - is one that you can ony feel to understand and not easily express through words. If family ties aren't something you have or feel that you need, I strongly urge you to reconsider! We all need someone in our corners that are there to solely love us through the good and bad times because it will be those people that love you through the hardest moments of your life - which gives you the strength to push towards the best moments of your life!
5. Heartbreak is helpful - We all experience it. And we all hate it. But I believe we all need it at some point. Heartache is a sobering feeling that forces us to take off those googly-eyed glasses and see the individual for who they really are as you finally see how you cared for them versus them not caring for you nearly as much. The most hurtful thing is to feel as if you're not good enough for someone for whatever reason. But the truth is we'll never be "good enough" for someone who isn't ready. I could cook his favorite meal, give him the best sex on a regular basis, be his cheer-leader and stay as faithful to him as men are to sports and because he simply isn't ready to commit to a woman like me, my time will be wasted every. time. Don't let heartbreak convince you that you're the problem. Allow that experience to show you what's good for you and what's not.. and follow that guidance. Our heart's intuition is hardly ever wrong.
Having a bad day - or month - is just that and nothing more! I'll never claim that I have a bad life. I now trust that my painful first month of 2015 was the growing pain necessary for the development of the woman I'm supposed to be, and where I'm meant to be by the end of 2015! Yes, I've had some really bad days in the past, but knowing that we've yet experienced the best days of our lives puts a smile on my face. And I hope it puts a smile on yours as well!
-E
