A Unique Kind of Love
(This is my journal entry from October 4th, 2014 that I wanted to share)
"It's about 10pm on a Saturday night... and I'm listening to some music, my TV is off, and I'm sipping on this amaze-balls vanilla latte from Starbucks! If that doesn't scream single and anti-social, then I don't know what does. There's nothing special about my evening of familiar solitude.. but there is something that I find to be noteworthy about my evening.. I absolutely love my life being this way. I'm twenty years old and my idea of a perfect night is one when I'm left alone to be a slob, a writer, a complete weirdo who talks to her TV as if it can talk back.. & most importantly, I'm left alone to be entirely myself.
I've asked myself so many times "why don't I yearn for arms to be around me when I lay down in bed?" and I've also asked myself why I'm so content with being alone, as if there's something wrong with feeling this way. I recently discovered that I've let other people impose their relationship expectations & desires onto me; which left me super confused because I was saying I wanted to date but my heart would reject every opportunity that came my way to do so. And you know what? That's okay!
The worse thing I could do to myself is pretend to want or be something that I don't want or want to be! And the best thing I could do for myself is be honest with myself & others about the life I want to live, because after all... it is my life! I don't live according to my biological clock & I don't make being a wife or mother the #1 priority in my life and my family and friends have to accept that (not that they have difficulties doing so) because I've accepted it & I've willingly embraced it!
Some women get butterflies when they imagine their wedding day or play the moment that they meet "the one" out in their minds over and over again, anxiously waiting for the moment that she "just knows". Me? I get butterflies when I think about my first (of many) book being published.. and I play the moment out in my mind of me being interviewed about my iconic career in politics advocating for women's rights over and over again, anxiously waiting or that day that I look around & feel that I've done my part in the political system to achieve true gender equality.
While it's completely okay to daydream about your fairytale one day coming true, it's just as okay for me to daydream about my career. I refuse to be made feel like a "workaholic with no feelings" just because love is not at the top of my priorities list. Is it on my list at all? Yes. Where on that list does it fall? I'm still not sure. And that's okay too. If you're anything like me, you know how rare it is to come across other women like us who are brave enough to stick to our true desires to be committed to ourselves for a while before we commit to anyone else. So... this is me, making myself known.. & making my choice known to embrace my pleasure of staying in on a Saturday night, sipping a vanilla latte with my pen and my music being my only company.
-Cheers to us! "
