Ladies: It's Us, Not Them
If you know me, then you know I am all about being single! Being single
is not a sickness, it's a season for growth! But once your season of
solitude is over and it's time to consider committed relationships,
there are some do's and don'ts that should be considered during the season of dating. He shows interest. You Facebook-stalk his entire life, and after you decide he's worthy of a text conversation you welcome the chances of getting to know one another.. Despite all hopes of this actually being worth your time and it possibly being the start of a new beginning, it always seems to be the start of a new ending! Sound familiar? If you feel like your dating life could be titled "Am I Saying Yes To A New Heartbreak?" or "Another One Bites The Dust", then this post is for you!
We single women can't even keep track of how many "girl talks" take place revolved around the current crush and all of the complications that come along with the dating scene! These talks with our closest friends are used for venting and seeking clarification of what is really going on in our Carrie Bradshaw-like dating lives. But no one ever said these "girl talks" always have the answer we really need! Sometimes they confuse things even more! So this is me not having the typical girl-talk with you..
Dating can be both fun and frustrating but unfortunately these days I'm seeing more of us, including myself, have the frustrating experience rather than the fun dating life! So I have a few suggestions that I feel we should consider the next time we're pursued by a man:
1) FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT - Because I've had one million and two of the "get to know each other" conversations, one of the first questions are almost always "what are you looking for in a guy?". Firstly, this is the time to be honest with yourself! Do you want a relationship? Do you want someone who you only hang out with on the weekends? Think long and hard about what's best for you at this time of your life! And secondly, be honest with him! Don't give him the answer you think he wants from you. That will only land you in a situation-ship with someone you've grown to care for who wants nothing, not even you, more than a "situation". Or you'll end up wanting to only have a little fun with someone who's ready to fully commit.Trust me on this one. Be honest!
2) TAKE OFF THE "GOOGLY GOGGLES" - We've all met that jerk that was the most attractive thing we'd ever laid eyes on, right? We deal with this guy not because of his generosity or pure heart, but because we wear the "googly goggles" that make us all googly eyed over the guy and simultaneously blinds us of all of his red flags! In this case, we only see what we want to see and ignore the things that we need to see! This is not good for our dating life, and it's not good for our hearts. Take those goggles off and think with your head, not your hormones!
3) DON'T READ BETWEEN ANY LINES - Men are not hard to figure out, when they know what they want. A man who contacts you once every two weeks is a man with (1) options or (2) a girlfriend. As a single woman looking to seriously get to know someone, you want nothing to do with this guy. When a guy is inconsistent we assume it's because they're playing hard to get or they want us to contact them first or their mom could even be dying! Right? Listen, things happen. But when a man knows who he wants, he works hard to woo her, and keep her. A man who wants to be with you will not let you forget that he wants to be with you and he most certainly won't let you forget he exists! We get angry with guys for being the jerks that they've always been when we should be angry with ourselves for expecting them to be someone they're not! Don't settle and be someone's "Tuesday". You deserve to be his every day.
4) LET A GOOD MAN BE GOOD TO YOU - Personally, this is where I struggle the most. As grown women, we have to make it a priority to respect ourselves by dating good men who will do good by us. When we allow men to disrespect us, it becomes a form of self-destruction. Our generation is huge on bragging about having trust issues and not letting anyone in, and that's why monogamous relationships have taken a turn for the worst over time. We glorify the idea of being alone but turn around and cry about why we can't find love. We reject genuinely good men out of fear of them treating us like the immature ex boyfriend did, and as long as we operate that way.. we'll be alone and stay alone!
Okay, this only scratches the surface of how many things we get wrong when dating, but even a small start is a good start! Right?
You're so loved,
Erica Xx
We single women can't even keep track of how many "girl talks" take place revolved around the current crush and all of the complications that come along with the dating scene! These talks with our closest friends are used for venting and seeking clarification of what is really going on in our Carrie Bradshaw-like dating lives. But no one ever said these "girl talks" always have the answer we really need! Sometimes they confuse things even more! So this is me not having the typical girl-talk with you..
Dating can be both fun and frustrating but unfortunately these days I'm seeing more of us, including myself, have the frustrating experience rather than the fun dating life! So I have a few suggestions that I feel we should consider the next time we're pursued by a man:
1) FIGURE OUT WHAT YOU WANT - Because I've had one million and two of the "get to know each other" conversations, one of the first questions are almost always "what are you looking for in a guy?". Firstly, this is the time to be honest with yourself! Do you want a relationship? Do you want someone who you only hang out with on the weekends? Think long and hard about what's best for you at this time of your life! And secondly, be honest with him! Don't give him the answer you think he wants from you. That will only land you in a situation-ship with someone you've grown to care for who wants nothing, not even you, more than a "situation". Or you'll end up wanting to only have a little fun with someone who's ready to fully commit.Trust me on this one. Be honest!
2) TAKE OFF THE "GOOGLY GOGGLES" - We've all met that jerk that was the most attractive thing we'd ever laid eyes on, right? We deal with this guy not because of his generosity or pure heart, but because we wear the "googly goggles" that make us all googly eyed over the guy and simultaneously blinds us of all of his red flags! In this case, we only see what we want to see and ignore the things that we need to see! This is not good for our dating life, and it's not good for our hearts. Take those goggles off and think with your head, not your hormones!
3) DON'T READ BETWEEN ANY LINES - Men are not hard to figure out, when they know what they want. A man who contacts you once every two weeks is a man with (1) options or (2) a girlfriend. As a single woman looking to seriously get to know someone, you want nothing to do with this guy. When a guy is inconsistent we assume it's because they're playing hard to get or they want us to contact them first or their mom could even be dying! Right? Listen, things happen. But when a man knows who he wants, he works hard to woo her, and keep her. A man who wants to be with you will not let you forget that he wants to be with you and he most certainly won't let you forget he exists! We get angry with guys for being the jerks that they've always been when we should be angry with ourselves for expecting them to be someone they're not! Don't settle and be someone's "Tuesday". You deserve to be his every day.
4) LET A GOOD MAN BE GOOD TO YOU - Personally, this is where I struggle the most. As grown women, we have to make it a priority to respect ourselves by dating good men who will do good by us. When we allow men to disrespect us, it becomes a form of self-destruction. Our generation is huge on bragging about having trust issues and not letting anyone in, and that's why monogamous relationships have taken a turn for the worst over time. We glorify the idea of being alone but turn around and cry about why we can't find love. We reject genuinely good men out of fear of them treating us like the immature ex boyfriend did, and as long as we operate that way.. we'll be alone and stay alone!
Okay, this only scratches the surface of how many things we get wrong when dating, but even a small start is a good start! Right?
You're so loved,
Erica Xx
